30th September

Well... guess i haven't posted for a while, alot has been going through my head...

I'm sick.... sick of counting, monitoring and failing miserable. I have realised my eating habits have effected who i am, well infact I've lost who i am. What am I just a number, 135.3lbs??? I decided I don't wana be a number, I wana be a person with a name and a personailty and hopes and dreams. I'm sick of pushing my boyfriend away, I need him, he is my support network, why would i want to push him away, I love him dearly. I think I just need someone to shake me and make me realise no-one is perfect, I'm not overweight I'm average, and its fine to be average. Dieting is not a way of life, its stupidity.(Sorry don't mean to offend anyone here.) I'm just ranting to get my head sorted. I don't think I'm going to continue with this blog or my other blog on thoughts, it's not healthy and its encouraging my eating disorder, and that doesn't need to be encouraged in anyway. I'm going to do this. I'm supose to eat 1700 to maintain my current weight, its just so difficult to eat that amount! I'm barely eating 1200 atm, But at least I'm trying, thats what matters right???

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh